Friday, August 10, 2012

How to make Church Air™

Synthetic Church Air™ or SinChurchAir™ can be made using a common vapoizer (in this case using the Vaporite

1.   Set temperature to 333° and turn on fan
2.  Mix a small amount of real Frop (Habafropzipulops) - not that fake stuff grown in Florida on top of the mini Yeti dung but real Frop- with a minimum 5 drops of water in the end of the whip example

3.  Use a wine cork at the end to aid in shaking.
4.  Start taking long puffs and hold. Repeat until you see vapor.

 Keep in mind the THC will vaporise at 301° F the other cannabinoids at slightly higher temperatures.

Friday, March 2, 2012

twitter mad libs

Once upon a midnight Quick,while I pondered Silly and Diabolical, Over many a quaint and curious Twitter of forgotten Fuckbucket, While I Fucked,nearly napping, suddenly there came a Folk, As of "Bob" gently rapping, rapping at my Dobbstown door. ``Tis some Pope,` I muttered, `tapping at my Dobbstown door -Only this, and nothing more.` Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the Nice December, And each separate Fucking ember wrought its 8 Ball upon the floor. Eagerly I Stopped the morrow; - Silly I had sought to borrow From my Masons surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the Happy Lenore -For the Miniture and Important maiden whom the angels named Connie -Nameless here for evermore.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Quantum Slack

"God does not play dice with the universe, but "Bob" sure as hell does!"  - A much older "Pfatter" Albert Einstein. 

Lets take a moment to discuss an important area in science that frequently gets ignored.  Quantum Physics.  
Yes my SubGenius friends, I know, another lecture on science.  I can hear the groans already like some middle school science teacher at 4th period science just before the end of classes. 

 "Oh, but Professor Brainard, why do we need to know this stuff, when are we ever going to use this?"


Do you want to be one of those Po'Buckers who doesn't even know what one Quantum of Slack is?  Well, Do ya?  

I should think not.  By the way, don't even think of telling me this is all a waste of time.  I ALREADY KNOW!  

For those of you too SLOW to keep up with the pace of some of the most delicious details of scientific discovery, this blog reads like a venerable "Cliff-Notes" of forbidden science.  So you can just take what I'm telling you at face value or you can dive into the depths of the actual scientific explanations.  (or kill me!) 

You might want to start here:

This was labeled the most significant scientific breakthrough this year.  What is it?  

  • tiny thing that can absorb energy only in discrete amounts
  • It can never sit perfectly still
  • It can literally be in two places at once

 A thin sliver of metal governed by quantum mechanics.  This may appear to be some type of non-discovery at first.  I mean really, who can give two shits about some tiny sliver of metal like this.  BUT YOU MUST!  This is the start of something very strange and difficult to explain.  Remember the first SubGenius book talking about the MWOM computer?  Well this is what I believe to be that first MWOM 1.0.  The ALPHA version.  

  You see, traditional computers are based at their smallest and simplest level on either 1 or 0.  This new quantum device allows us to look at BOTH 1 AND 0 AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!  

No more black or white, its black AND white from now on.  
The traditional values we have all learned about Good Vs Evil, wrong or right can be turned completely inside out and backwards.  Western science has frequently tried to polarize our thinking in this way.  And its fine for most practical applications of science .  After all, you need to put a steak in the ground somewhere in order to do even the most basic of scientific experiments.  

At this point we have almost come full circle.  What do I mean by this.  Well, the internet, more specifically HTTP (Hyper Text Transfer Protocol) was first devised by Dr. Tim Berners-Lee to help expand physics and allow physicists to better share and use information by giving them a way to "link" to the documents they are referencing.  Since the early days we have grown this "internet thing" to the point where we almost no longer need our brains to store information.  What a waste!  

No, now we simply store all that info on the cloud and use our brain to "Process" it.   Well, with this new quantum device (and eventually quantum computers) this processing will give way to even more expanded uses of our minds.  Think of it, Twitter, Wikipedia, YouTube, hell even; what will this all do for the SubGenius kind?  

What exactly am I getting at here?  I don't fully know myself, I am looking to the comments section here to get this discussion started in a bit more in-depth manner.  So please, submit your ideas, let me know where this is all going?  What do we do next?  

Eternally Yours in Slack,
Prof. Byron Brainard