How to make Church Air™

Synthetic Church Air™ or SinChurchAir™ can be made using a common vapoizer (in this case using the Vaporite) 

1.   Set temperature to 333° and turn on fan
2.  Mix a small amount of real Frop (Habafropzipulops) - not that fake stuff grown in Florida on top of the mini Yeti dung but real Frop- with a minimum 5 drops of water in the end of the whip example

3.  Use a wine cork at the end to aid in shaking.
4.  Start taking long puffs and hold. Repeat until you see vapor.

 Keep in mind the THC will vaporise at 301° F the other cannabinoids at slightly higher temperatures.

twitter mad libs

Once upon a midnight Quick,while I pondered Silly and Diabolical, Over many a quaint and curious Twitter of forgotten Fuckbucket, While I Fucked,nearly napping, suddenly there came a Folk, As of "Bob" gently rapping, rapping at my Dobbstown door. ``Tis some Pope,` I muttered, `tapping at my Dobbstown door -Only this, and nothing more.` Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the Nice December, And each separate Fucking ember wrought its 8 Ball upon the floor. Eagerly I Stopped the morrow; - Silly I had sought to borrow From my Masons surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the Happy Lenore -For the Miniture and Important maiden whom the angels named Connie -Nameless here for evermore.

Quantum Slack

"God does not play dice with the universe, but "Bob" sure as hell does!"  - A much older "Pfatter" Albert Einstein. 


Lets take a moment to discuss an important area in science that frequently gets ignored.  Quantum Physics.  
Yes my SubGenius friends, I know, another lecture on science.  I can hear the groans already like some middle school science teacher at 4th period science just before the end of classes. 


 "Oh, but Professor Brainard, why do we need to know this stuff, when are we ever going to use this?"


SILENCE!  


Do you want to be one of those Po'Buckers who doesn't even know what one Quantum of Slack is?  Well, Do ya?  


I should think not.  By the way, don't even think of telling me this is all a waste of time.  I ALREADY KNOW!  


For those of you too SLOW to keep up with the pace of some of the most delicious details of scientific discovery, this blog reads like a venerable "Cliff-Notes" of forbidden science.  So you can just take what I'm telling you at face value or you can dive into the depths of the actual scientific explanations.  (or kill me!) 


You might want to start here:
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/world-news/worlds-first-quantum-device-takes-breakthrough-of-the-year-title-15033474.html


This was labeled the most significant scientific breakthrough this year.  What is it?  

• A tiny thing that can absorb energy only in discrete amounts
• It can never sit perfectly still
• It can literally be in two places at once

 A thin sliver of metal governed by quantum mechanics.  This may appear to be some type of non-discovery at first.  I mean really, who can give two shits about some tiny sliver of metal like this.  BUT YOU MUST!  This is the start of something very strange and difficult to explain.  Remember the first SubGenius book talking about the MWOM computer?  Well this is what I believe to be that first MWOM 1.0.  The ALPHA version.  


  You see, traditional computers are based at their smallest and simplest level on either 1 or 0.  This new quantum device allows us to look at BOTH 1 AND 0 AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!  


No more black or white, its black AND white from now on.  
The traditional values we have all learned about Good Vs Evil, wrong or right can be turned completely inside out and backwards.  Western science has frequently tried to polarize our thinking in this way.  And its fine for most practical applications of science .  After all, you need to put a steak in the ground somewhere in order to do even the most basic of scientific experiments.  


At this point we have almost come full circle.  What do I mean by this.  Well, the internet, more specifically HTTP (Hyper Text Transfer Protocol) was first devised by Dr. Tim Berners-Lee to help expand physics and allow physicists to better share and use information by giving them a way to "link" to the documents they are referencing.  Since the early days we have grown this "internet thing" to the point where we almost no longer need our brains to store information.  What a waste!  


No, now we simply store all that info on the cloud and use our brain to "Process" it.   Well, with this new quantum device (and eventually quantum computers) this processing will give way to even more expanded uses of our minds.  Think of it, Twitter, Wikipedia, YouTube, hell even Xhamster.com; what will this all do for the SubGenius kind?  




What exactly am I getting at here?  I don't fully know myself, I am looking to the comments section here to get this discussion started in a bit more in-depth manner.  So please, submit your ideas, let me know where this is all going?  What do we do next?  


Eternally Yours in Slack,
Prof. Byron Brainard

The state of Marijuana Prohibition in America 2011

		This is a response I received to my petition for Marijuana legalization from the Office of National Drug Control Policy.  I am going to take the time to annotate this response in red letters inside brackets [like this] so I can offer some commentary on the ridiculous nature of this response and why we the people deserve more from our government (and by more I mean more freedom) The White House <info@messages.whitehouse.gov>
to		profby...@gmail.com
date		Sat, Oct 29, 2011 at 8:15 PM
subject		Petition Response: What We Have to Say About Legalizing Marijuana
mailed-by		service.govdelivery.com What We Have to Say About Legalizing Marijuana By Gil Kerlikowske, Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy When the President took office, he directed all of his policymakers to develop policies based on science and research, not ideology or politics. So our concern about marijuana is based on what the science tells us about the drug's effects. [Prof Byron:  I dispute this very first sentence of this first paragraph,  They couldn't even get this right!   An Obama spokesperson in 2008 said " Obama supports the rights of states and local governments to make this choice - though he believes medical marijuana should be subject to (U.S. Food and Drug Administration) regulation like other drugs"  This is much different than saying he directed all his policymakers to develop policies based on science not politics.  He is a politician, so really all his policies are based in some way on politics.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=9flhDmz7Kwo#t=92s He can choose to ignore the science and facts about marijuana if he wants, which brings us to the next point in this diatribe from the Office of National Drug Control Policy:  ] According to scientists at the National Institutes of Health- the world's largest source of drug abuse research - marijuana use is associated with addiction, respiratory disease, andcognitive impairment. We know from an array of treatment admission information and Federal data that marijuana use is a significant source for voluntary drug treatment admissions and visits to emergency rooms. Studies also reveal that marijuana potency has almost tripled over the past 20 years, raising serious concerns about what this means for public health – especially among young people who use the drug because research shows their brainscontinue to develop well into their 20's. Simply put, it is not a benign drug. [Prof Byron: Okay, here we have this last little phrase "not a benign drug".  Compared to WHAT exactly?  We don't do things in a vacuum so to what are we comparing this non-benign drug?  Nicotine?  - perfectly legal and highly cancerous,  Alcohol?  - also non-benign; given our nations history with prohibition on this one might think we have learned something.    Pseudoephedrine - this one is used to make meth and it is LEGAL!  This list could go on, my point is that we could make all kinds of things illegal in the name of making the world safer.  Heck, make driving illegal if you really want to save lives.   So what exactly is there in the science of marijuana use that makes this one stand out?  I submit to you the reader that NOTHING really makes marijuana stand out except the bogyman mentality that people have been given based on all those years of taxpayer funded anti-drug advertising and propaganda.  Smarten up and use your brain on this one, marijuana is no more harmful (and most likely less harmful) than a lot of things already out there - who are you protecting and at what cost are you going to continue to pay to "protect" people from evil marijuana? ]   Like many, we are interested in the potential marijuana may have in providing relief to individuals diagnosed with certain serious illnesses. That is why we ardently support ongoing research into determining what components of the marijuana plant can be used as medicine. To date, however, neither the FDA nor the Institute of Medicine have found smoked marijuana to meet the modern standard for safe or effective medicine for any condition. As a former police chief, I recognize we are not going to arrest our way out of the problem.  [Prof Byron: That is interesting because according to http://www.projectcensored.org/top-stories/articles/20-marijuana-arrests-set-new-record/ "For the fourth year in a row, US marijuana arrests set an all-time record" ] We also recognize that legalizing marijuana would not provide the answer to any of the health, social, youth education, criminal justice, and community quality of life challenges associated with drug use. That is why the President's National Drug Control Strategy is balanced and comprehensive, emphasizing prevention and treatment while at the same time supporting innovative law enforcement efforts that protect public safety and disrupt the supply of drugs entering our communities.  [Prof Byron: Notice how we had to move from marijuana to "drugs" in general here.  What public safety is being protected by preventing an adult from choosing to smoke some marijuana?]  Preventing drug use is the most cost-effective way to reduce drug use and its consequences in America. And, as we've seen in our work through community coalitions across the country, this approach works in making communities healthier and safer. We're also focused on expanding access to drug treatment for addicts. Treatment works. In fact, millions of Americans are in successful recovery for drug and alcoholism today. [Prof Byron: Wait a minute - I thought the discussion here was a response to legalizing marijuana - now we are talking about alcoholism?  Is this a nod to alcohol prohibition then?  ]  And through our work with innovative drug courts across the Nation, we are improving our criminal justice system to divert non-violent offenders into treatment. Our commitment to a balanced approach to drug control is real. This last fiscal year alone, the Federal Government spent over $10 billion on drug education and treatment programs compared to just over $9 billion on drug related law enforcement in the U.S. [Prof Byron: That $9 Billion does not appear to be very well spent.  Remember this is OUR OWN MONEY being spent to fight our own neighbors down the street, just like in the 1920's when alcohol prohibition was all the rage, please think about how history repeats itself when contemplating the legal issues of fighting for this new prohibition.  ] Thank you for making your voice heard. I encourage you to take a moment to read about the President's approach to drug control to learn more. [Prof Byron: I plan to make my voice heard by Voting!  Don't let anyone tell you that your vote does not count, we have this great tool in our country that is vastly underutilized.   http://bizgengirl.hubpages.com/hub/2012-Marijuana-Friendly-Presidential-Candidates ]  Resources: National Institutes of Health, National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) Marijuana Facts (ONDCP) Drug Abuse Warning Network (HHS) Treatment Episode Data Set (HHS) National Survey on Drug Use and Health (HHS) Check out this response on We the People.

"Bob's" Television

American equipment salesman, "Bob,"  saw a vision - no, more like a Brain Dump from JHVH-1 while working on a television set.  He was experimenting with a new design that would utilize Channel 1 in a way that had never been used before.  A Tap into the brain pan

What would this television look like?  Surly it would not resemble a Normal TV?

NO IT WOULD NOT!

and stop calling me Shirley. 

Some thoughts on the Television: 

They have a machine that can tell THEM when you are thinking, its called a Television and when its off you are GUILTY! 

They don't have to make TV's that watch you because you're watching IT.  Rev. Ivan Stang SubGenius Hour of Slack # 933

- One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

- The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."

Let us think of this thing called Tele-Vision.  These moving pictures presented in a most fascinating reproduction of life.    Now lets not start badmouthing the TV, after all, "Bob" was tinkering with his when he heard JHVH-1.  We need to give some respect to the Television.  


In the early 1800's a natural way of passing time would include things like drawing, pictures and eventually photography.  The only way to preserve images in the mind.  (besides mind-blowing techniques like meditation)

 Think of what early primitive people would have experiences on first sight of the television. No, hold that thought, forget about the primitives we'll deal with them later.  


I present, a video, one that gives you the gist of what "Bob's" TV was trying to do.  You see, sounds can be described using mathematical formula.  The more complex the formula, the more complex the sound.  You can do the same with video.  Keep this in mind as you watch this video:

Now, apply this concept to a television that is actually using these formulas to instead of the broadcasting signals, it is using ACTUAL INFORMATION.   and more on this information can be found below:  


Information Gathering and the DIKW
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:DIKW.png
Knowledge comes but Wisdom lingers -alfred lord tennyson (but most importantly, Dr. Hal)


"WOTAN'S SLIDE SHOW" of the events from 1998 to around 2175
http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/classic/classics/X0002_botsg-2.html
(and the infamous AMA)


everybody in theater wants to be on TV, so they can get famous.
Everybody on TV wants to be in film, so they can get rich.
Everybody in film wants to be in theater, so they can get taken seriously as "artists."


[aw Hell! I need to stop for this "Sleep" thing again... To Be Continued... almost done...]

The SubGenius Creative Process

The Subgenius creative process is different from the Pink.  I think of it like building a sand castle on the beach with your 3 year old son, and ever once in a while he steps on it just for fun (cuz ya know at 3 it always more fun to wreck than build).

What is the difference between Fun and SLACK?

"Alongside your normal, everyday life, there is another life: one in which you have SLACK." - The Book of the SubGenius 

- "I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly." Dwight Schrute


Breaking it down it has a lot to do with Luck or the "Luck Plane" as it is referred to in sacred texts.

It is defined as "a surge of uncorrupted gumption, an explosion of the "self" -- not obliterating it, but bloating it."   But let us not get bogged down in definitions.  Lets just say that with Slack there is no reason to have fun. or that normal, human fun is like torture compared to Slack.

TRUE SLACK IS SOMETHING FOR NOTHING

It's like a wave you can surf, like total Common Sense.
It can simply be the work you love, not poisoned by greed.

AND the sacred text most frighteningly warns "If this makes no sense to you, then your ONLY SANE MOVE would be to REPENT, QUIT YOUR JOB and SLACK OFF..."